My concerns over women choosing to be stay-at-home moms isn't primarily about the financial aspects of choosing to be a single-income household.
I won't deny that is an important part of it though: the pressure of being the sole breadwinner--whether you are male or female as a typical middle-class American is a valid concern both fiscally and emotionally.
My sister-in-law made a valid point that "being a housewife and mom is a full time job and would be contributing to the family in other ways that don't equate to the dollar sign."
I agree! But isn't being a father a full-time job, too? Isn't being PARENTS a full-time job?
Being a stay-at-home parent tilts the scales of responsibility drastically. It defines that person as the parent and the other as the provider. I find myself asking:
- Would I lose part of myself by disregarding my career?
- How would Brandon feel about me if I spent all the quality time with our kid and he only saw him/her at night when he was sleepy and grumpy?
- What would I do after the kid didn't need me all the time and was in school?
But at the end of the day, daycare is expensive and if it makes more sense to stay at home while the kid is young than work and just put your check back into daycare, so be it. I guess I'll just have to cross the bridge if I get to it.
Don't misunderstand me: I totally respect all the mothers out there--whether you're working to take care of your family, working in an office or both.
I am just very swayed by guilt and a bit too competitive for my own good sometimes, so I struggle with the idea when I look at myself.
4 comments:
You speak of being swayed by guilt, I would feel guilty for deciding to have a child and then giving the responsibility of raising it to some one else. That is just me. I don't feel any one would love and raise my child as well as me.I don't find it selfish I find it very selfless to want to stay at home and give your time and love to raising your child. Your molding a person how incredible is that? You ARE a provider maybe not financially but in so many other ways. The possibility for guilt is there whether you stay home or work. I have been on both sides I worked outside the home for a short while and hated leaving him everyday. I also provided childcare for working parents and saw how guilt would cause these parents to over compensate for leaving their children everyday or how the children would suffer the consequences of the stressed out parent. There is no one right answer all you can do is decide what will work for you and yours and realize parents are not flawless.
Well put, Shauna. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Thanks for the clarification...I totally see where you are coming from. You are right that parenting is a two person job and the father's role should be considered. I don't think I would be able to give up my work life to raise a child. I know how important your career is to you and how hard you have worked to achieve the level of success you have. That would be really difficult to give up. I think it would be like giving a part of yourself up. I think whatever you decide to do will be what's best for you and Brandon. As long as you are happy, your child will be happy too. It would be much better for you to continue working if it fulfills you and makes you happy, then for you to put your career on hold and be regretful.
Wow, deep thoughts. Since when did we become adults? I tend to agree w/Goatmomma...raising a child is an enormous responsibility and I think many couples are happy when they are able to have one parent stay home. I know many other couples who probably can't afford to, but still manage to keep one parent at home anyway, because they value that parent-child connection so much.
Who knows what Kirk and I will decide to do. I try not to worry about it too much right now. Frankly, I don't think we could afford to have one parent stay home all the time. Fortunately, I feel I'm in a position at work that would be flexible if I wanted to cut back hours for awhile and/or work from home. It all depends on the circumstances, the individuals in question, and of course the child.
Planning and worrying now is pointless, I think. I have a feeling if I were to make a decision now, it would all go down the crapper once a baby was part of my life.
you do have a lot of guilt...are you sure you're not Catholic? :)
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