Parenthood vs. Motherhood

After getting a few comments on my last blog about women and children, I wanted to clarify...

My concerns over women choosing to be stay-at-home moms isn't primarily about the financial aspects of choosing to be a single-income household.


I won't deny that is an important part of it though: the pressure of being the sole breadwinner--whether you are male or female as a typical middle-class American is a valid concern both fiscally and emotionally.

My sister-in-law made a valid point that "being a housewife and mom is a full time job and would be contributing to the family in other ways that don't equate to the dollar sign."

I agree! But isn't being a father a full-time job, too? Isn't being PARENTS a full-time job?

Being a stay-at-home parent tilts the scales of responsibility drastically. It defines that person as the parent and the other as the provider. I find myself asking:

• Would I lose part of myself by disregarding my career?


• How would Brandon feel about me if I spent all the quality time with our kid and he only saw him/her at night when he was sleepy and grumpy?


• What would I do after the kid didn't need me all the time and was in school?

But at the end of the day, daycare is expensive and if it makes more sense to stay at home while the kid is young than work and just put your check back into daycare, so be it. I guess I'll just have to cross the bridge if I get to it.

Don't misunderstand me: I totally respect all the mothers out there--whether you're working to take care of your family, working in an office or both.

I am just very swayed by guilt and a bit too competitive for my own good sometimes, so I struggle with the idea when I look at myself.

Women with Children

What happens in the genetic make-up of independent, career-minded women when they have their first baby? Is there some hidden switch that flips over to "mommy mode" that releases some visceral need in us to nuture our families and not ourselves?

I ask because some of our friends are starting to have children and several of the women I always viewed as the power-players in their relationships have chosen to quit their jobs and become full-time moms...at least for now.

I struggle with this.

It's not that I blame them. I'm sure if I had a cute little new baby at home, I'd want to spend as much time as possible watching him or her grow, experiencing every tiny moment to the fullest. (Heck, sometimes I feel that way about my pets!)

But as women, who gave us the right to claim that treasure solely for ourselves? Wh should our husbands feel bound to support us fully, once that child--something created together and, hopefully, with a mutual committment and desire--enters the world?

That's a lot of financial and emotional pressure to put on your spouse...

I can't decide how I feel about it. In my heart, I can't deny I'd want to spend time with the kid, too. But I also know I'd criticize myself if I didn't feel like I was contributing to our livelihood. I also know that (as much as I hate to admit it) if the roles were reversed, I'd harbor some resentment toward Brandon if he stayed home and I spent everyday laboring to pay our bills.

It's a quandry.

I pre-ordered a book today (to be realeased May 27) called "The Ten Year Nap." It's a work of fiction written like nonfiction themed around these questions. I can't wait to read it--perhaps it will help me figure out my own feelings on the topic.

Cleveland and Coffee

Brandon and I had a great Easter weekend spending time with our friends Patrick and Bethanne in Cleveland this weekend.

Patrick is the general manager of an Embassy Suites in Independence, so we stayed for free at his hotel. (His apartment is small, so it would have been cramped with all four of us.) We spent Friday night hanging out at a nearby bar and grill called the Winking Lizard. Saturday, we slept in late and went to the Cleveland Public Market. This was the highlight of the trip. I absolutely love going to public markets and shopping. We bought homemade garlic sausage, fresh pasta, bread and lots of vegetables.

It's amazing how much better food tastes when it is fresh and unprocessed. Last night, I made a fabulous homemade pasta sauce (garlic sausage, olive oil, red wine and roasted peppers, red onions and garlic) to go on the pasta from the market. YUM.

After the market, we explored the Botanical Gardens. That night, we had dinner at Lolita, a exceptionally well-conceived and well executed restaurant owned by one of new Iron Chefs from the Food Network. After having the most incredible gourmet macaroni and cheese I've ever had in my life, we went to this cool 1930s-themed cocktail lounge (Velvet Tango Room) known for it's custom-made drinks. Again, the experience was amazing. Drinks were wicked expensive, but fabulous. We also enjoyed tradtionally prepared bananas foster table-side. Sweet.

It was great to spend time with Patrick and get to know Bethanne better. They've been dating for several years, but I never really fully opened up to getting to know her until now. We were very good friends with Patrick and his ex-wife, Amy, so I had a hard time accepting the new girl. Bethanne is great though, and I'm so glad we finally got some time to get to know each other!

Today when I got home I had a box of bliss from Crimson Cup Coffee: a 5-pound bag of Armando's Blend and several 12 ounce samplers. Fabulous! If you haven't tried it, you should. It redefines what coffee should be. Thanks, Anna!

Sunshine!

Happy first day of spring! The sun even showed up to celebrate--finally, no more rain! Whoo hoo!

Look Out My Window...It's Still Rainin'

Well, it's been raining for a day and a half now. Not only is the neighborhood a cold, wet mess but our basement is now leaking in several places. We knew we had a small leak by the water heater wher the foundation had been patched before we moved in, but now it appears there are problems on the wall behind the dryer and near the center pillar. UGH.

Rather than ignore the problem and pay later, we've decided to have several waterproofing companies come out and assess the situation. Cross your fingers this issue has a minor versus a majorly expensive solution. I have to remind myself, though, it could be worse. I saw homes on the news last night that had a foot of water in their basement. YIKES!

On a more positive note, we continue to collect material for our kitchen remodeling project. The pile--which includes cabinets, hardware, a ceiling fan and several organizational items--is dominating one corner of the dining room now.

Our handyman went to a counter manufacturer today to price options for us. After Easter, we hope to have a solid deadline for starting the project. The biggest challenge will be removing the wood paneling, faux brick and old wallpaper so there is smooth surface to paint afterward. (We're leaving that to our handman.)

This is what our wall looks like right now...trying to decide on a color scheme.

This weekend we spent a great day at the zoo--it was overcast, so virtually no one was there. The highlight of the trip was seeing a baby gibbon. In case you don't know, I LOVE the gibbons and embarass anyone who goes to the zoo with me by talking to them. (WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP)

I don't have pictures yet, but I'm posting one of my favorites from the last time we went of a gorilla with it's baby. I think primates are fascinating because they display so many humanlike characteristics.

Little Moments of Reflection

I’ve always been a people watcher. I’m often struck by the uniqueness of people and curious about their lives—how are their lives different from mine, how did they end up where they are. Do they have the same frustrations, fears, loves and anxieties I think about everyday?

Driving to and from work in Cincinnati is a great study in the human experience. In my short five-mile commute I drive through some of the most wealthy and the most impoverished neighborhoods in the city. I’m almost always struck by someone and wonder what about their story.

This morning, it was a haggard homeless man, trotting down the street buddled up in a big coat and toboggan with all his worldly possessions shoved in a small backpack or bundled with a bungee cord with his bed: what looked like a $20 sleeping bag from Wal-mart. That made me think about how incredibly fortunate to have a home, a warm bed and good food to eat everyday, something we all take for granted.

On the way home yesterday, it was a middle-aged man sitting at a bus-stop toting two overstuffed bags of groceries with him on the way home. That made me think about how so many of us—myself included—own several cars and don’t bat an eye at $3.45/gallon gas prices (though we do grumble) and continue driving our cars solo to work today when many people live every day depending on public transportation. (No 9 p.m. grocery runs for them without a lot of preparation.)

The day before that, it was two little kids chasing each other around in the front yard of a run-down house, completely oblivious to the cares of the world. It made me think of all the kids born into bad situations who never have the chance to live carefree as a kid, digging for worms in the mud for their pet duck, eating cheesy macaroni and hamburger, taking dance lessons, swinging on a tire swing or taking their dogs to the lake. (Yes, these are some of my favorite childhood memories!) It made me think about someday adopting a child versus having one.

These little moments take my breath away. I get lost in imaging what it must be like to see the world through that person’s eyes. Sometimes, the weight of those thoughts feels like it will crush me. It makes me look at the stupid little things in my life that are so minor and unimportant, yet cause me to stress.

It’s good to put things in perspective every once in a while. Life is good, but not for everyone. I hope I can do more to make the lives of others better in my lifetime.

Home-Bound

After snowing through the night and most of today, it has finally stopped snowing here in Cincinnati. By our estimation, we have about 12 inches.

Brandon and I went out and wrestled the dog in the snow, made snow angels and then unburied our cars and sidewalks.

Here's a picture of the snow in our front yard. Unfortunatley, all the pictures I took of Ginger and Brandon in the snow are on the regular camera.

Every time it gets bitter cold like this, I always think about all the cats and dogs that don't have inside homes. Ginger has iced caked in her paws after just 10 minutes outside--let alone all day!

If you have animals outside, make sure to check their paws. Frostbite can't feel good.

Since we're pretty much house-bound by the snow, we dedcided to get some work done. Brandon worked on the taxes while I tried to reorganize our basement. (I have quite a collection of home items down there just waiting for Becca!)

We also hung this stemware rack, which I'm very excited about. We've never had a reliable place to store our stemware, so this will not only prevent us from breaking them--it also freed up half a cabinet for other things!

Time for coffee and chocolate chunk cookies.

Snow, Snow Go Away!

Well, we're being blasted by snow here in Cincinnati. That means everyone is frantically running away and clogging the roads, making it even worse.

I like snow...if I'm cuddled up in my bed with no where to go or playing in it with Ginger. I absolutely hate driving in it, though.

Perhaps my wizarding skills will come in handy...

"Snow Go-Away-ish!"

Darn. It didn't work.

Maybe I should have dressed up as Dumbledore instead. He never has trouble casting a successful spell...

Random Acts, Major Changes

A few nights ago, I ran into a woman I spin with at Target. She recently moved to Ohio from the south under some pretty bad circumstances: A private plane crashed into her house, severely injuring her entire family. Her husband is now in a coma, her daughter died and her son was severely burned.

I saw her son for the first time at Target, and it made me reflect on how utterly random the world can be. Those random acts--of nature, God or some other unknown force--can be absolutely horrible or positively wonderous. Because of this one act, this little boy will face a life of emotional challenges...and there is absolutely nothing he or his parents could have done to prevent it.

It makes you consider your own life and want to appreciate each little moment a little more. It change on a dime.

So today, as I write this on my lunch break I can't help but think of one of the most life-changing experiences I've ever had. Can you guess? Hiking hte Kalalau Trail in Kauai, Hawaii with Brandon and Tito.

I've always loved nature--it truly does refresh the mind, body and soul--but this gave me a whole new appreciation of the planet. (Yes, I realize this sounds corny.) Being up on a cliff hundreds of feet abovet the ocean, surrounded by green cliffs with everything you need on your back defines "living" to me. I can't wait to get back.

Rock the Vote!

Today is a very important day: the Ohio primary vote, which will play a large part in deciding who our next democratic candidate (and president) will be.

Get out and vote. I gave my support to Hillary Clinton. I believe she has the experience and relationships to make the most change in office and restore dignity to the United States.

In local issues, I also voted for the Cincinnati Public Schools levy and Cincinnati Zoo increase. Even if the school system is a bit rocky, you'll never catch me voting against public education.

Go Democrats!

Ready...Cyber-Journal!

After reading Jane's blog daily for about a year, I've decided to enter the blogosphere.

It seemed appropriate, since I decided that I need to start journaling again to explore my intermost thoughts and fears. Why not allow the rest of the world to chime in, right?

Anyway...today I've been reflecting on what it means to be a good parent. My parents were great growing. Sure, they didn't always get alone (who does), but they provided me with unconditional love, filled my belly with good food, kept a roof over my head and encouraged me to be whatever I darn well wanted to be. So, today I say THANKS to my parents. I love them dearly, and always will.