Extreme Highs and Lows

The past month has been filled with extreme highs and lows for me from an emotional perspective.

Spencer is turning into such a little boy - asserting his independence by telling Mom what he wants to eat (or, more often, NOT eat), walking on the border of running around the house to explore everything from dog toys to his musical instrument set from Granny Lynn or his wagon from Great Aunt & Uncle Shauna and Joe and learning to throw a quality tantrum.

Switching Spencer over to table food and milk has been a challenge. He gets so hungry he sees red and can't think by the time dinner rolls around, leading him to eat to fast and choke on the table food. He has this perpetual snotty mucous that won't seem to go away, too, due to winter, school germs and possibly the TEF repair. All of this adds up to some stressful eating times. We are trying so very hard to chill and go with the flow, a message we've heard repeated so many times at this point that I just might punch the next person who says it to me. Being the neurotic control-freak that I am, I admittedly am having a hard time with it.

We've also scheduled Spencer's next surgery: the first of what could be three arm/hand surgeries. It needs to happen, but I am dreading it. UC is also going through some major budget crises (thank you, Governor) that doen't really help me relax. I'm just keeping my head down and doing my work thoroughly. Gotta keep that medical insurance!

BUT...aside from all this crap swirling around in my head, Spencer is oh so much fun at 13 months. He loves his Mama...he will often throw himself into my arms with exhuberance, smiling and hugging me. Oh, what a great feeling. And who could be stressed when you hear a baby giggle? Spencer has such an amazing giggle ... I smile just thinking about it. He also has a light-up-the-room smile. He shows it often, as he is so proud of himself learning all these new things (like putting his blocks on the dining room chair) or throwing Ginger her toy. What simple pleasures.

So, I admittedly still give in sometimes and end up crying to release all the emotion while I am rocking Spencer to sleep. (I did tonight, in fact.) But I also find myself marveling at how quickly he is changing and growing up, trying to imprint every bit of his joy into my brain.

Here is a video of Spencer playing ball with his Great Grandpa Willard during our recent trip to Arizona. He loves playing ball!